Suchika Mehra
Let me list out the benefits of sharing:
- You teach him how to empathize: In simple words, empathy can be understood as having an ability to understand the other person’s thoughts, feelings, or emotions in a way that a person is experiencing it. Many research studies have concluded that empathy is not necessarily an inborn trait; it can be taught. If a child has witnessed a loved one going through a rough patch, it makes him aware & better equipped to handle the emotions, hardships, and feelings associated with such times. This, in a way, helps the child develop an empathetic attitude towards others in testing situations.
- You help him build a better emotional health: Often, we underestimate the potential of a child to understand & react to various things and situations. We tend to guard them in our stereotypical ways. We believe that they shouldn’t be bothered and disturbed by the intrinsic problems of life. However, what we fail to understand is that children are intuitive by nature. They do notice & pick up many things by observing our responses, behavior, facial expressions, and mood swings. Though, we need not tell them everything in detail; but in a situation where they are not kept in-loop (on the precise reason for a certain behavior or an erratic emotion), we confuse them and sow the “seeds of misunderstanding.” Let me explain:
- Firstly, we are trying to hide the obvious from a child. And thus, we are unknowingly putting him in a situation where his own conscious & judgment tells him that something is not right, but we, as parents, make him believe that ALL is fine. Thus, we end-up planting the seeds of ‘self-doubt’ in our child, which should be best avoided.
- Secondly, if he figures out later that something was indeed wrong, you have given him a wrong message that – It’s OK and normal to hide disturbing emotions or problems.
- Lastly, you miss out on the opportunities to handhold your child and shape their outlook towards life, as they get to witness your struggles.On the other hand, if you would share your struggles with your child (of course, in an informed manner), you teach him that – it is OK to feel sad at times. Problems are normal. Situations like these may occur. Such phases come in life, and they pass too. Thus, you nurture him to handle day-to-day stress & problems with ease.
- You are building his problem-solving skills: We often underestimate the problem-solving skills of children. Many a time, you will be amazed to see their simple and innovative solutions to your so-called complex problems. Their ‘simple’ solutions can often change your sense of perception. Further, when the child sees that his intervention is creating a positive impact and is helping you feel better, he feels empowered & encouraged to brainstorm and nip his thinking buds to look for more creative solutions. This would only hone his problem-solving skills, & train him to look beyond the obvious and think out-of-the-box.
- You are relieving yourself of stress/pressure: When you try to hide something from your children (by portraying an otherwise rosy picture), it usually involves a lot of mental stress & drama. You have to ensure that things remain hidden always. Further, you strive to create a false atmosphere of happiness so that you can sustain your lies. Fake it if you must, but the downside is that you fell prey to this trap and gradually it becomes your habit. However, if you establish a healthy culture of discussion in the family without any ifs and buts, a culture where people can agree to disagree – it relieves you of this unwanted and uncalled-for stress. You can focus on managing the issue at hand and finding solutions to it. You can come up with better solutions when your mind is at ease.
- You empower your child: The internal conflict of “should I or should I not” arise as a result of our not-so-good experiences, apprehensions, and inhibitions in life. To name a few – the broad spectrum of struggles in any individual’s life revolves around – unfixed financial woes, disturbed relations, loss of a loved one, unachieved goals, betrayal, lack of self-confidence, low self-image, mismatched expectations, health issues, social disapproval, unmet basic needs, et al.
Now, if we ponder a little deeper – each one of us come across these problems and experience corresponding emotions attached to it at some point in our life, and there is no running away….
So, wouldn’t it help if we allow our children to be an informed witness to these (otherwise visible) struggles? They may also go through similar issues in their own lives sooner or later. So, whatever (controlled) exposure they get of our daily struggles, they will only benefit from it, as they grow. Thus, in a way, we empower them & raise them better equipped to cope-up with similar challenges in their own life.
